Quite often, ok most days I feel really guilty. The bumblebee's are off at school full time now, Mr.Q is at work...and where am I??? At home. I am super lucky to have had this for the last 9 years, to be able to be a "homemaker"...what does that mean exactly? Does it mean I make jams, clean the house, do the washing, prepare meals, be at the kiddies every beck and call? Because I have done all those things, and still do....and I do love it. ........which surprises a lot of people, and frankly most of them women.....working women......"what do you do all day?"......is a good one. Have bitten my lip more times than I care to remember.......
I'm not having a go at working mothers by any means, that is sooo not the case. BUT don't have a go at me for trying to do the best for my family......The other week I lost it ever so slightly with a friend ( lets call her Jane ).....Jane is a high flyer, works non stop, and loves it....good for her. " But what is it that you do ALL day?" she said......well........it was that time of the month, the blinkin dogs just looking at me wanting to go for a walk made me shout.
" I make, I paint, every room in our cottage I have redecorated, de -wood wormed, painted wood, walls, wallpapered, I have pulled up carpets on my own ( and fell down the stairs trying to carry one....resulting in me being covered in about 40yrs worth of dust and s**t...urghhh ) I have made curtains, cushions, made a vege garden, I cook I clean, I help with the bumblebee's school, please don't insinuate I sit on my backside all day watching neighbours. There are perks of being able to catch up with friends for coffee and stuff, but actually it's quite hard. It's hard to maintain sanity some days, when the only person you talk to is a 5 year old ...it's all about the gruffalo game, and sylvanians, and if they managed to wipe their bottom at school on their own or not. ( Yup, us mum's we have to look in the knickers...hummm that's why you are sore )...and then try and keep up with an adult conversation with husband when he gets home from work, with out looking uninterested or a complete moron.....I'm usually both..".
I may have over stepped the mark on my rant, but hey I felt attacked!...." perhaps you could do with a few weeks off work Jane to tackle your house ?"............( P.S the woman has a cleaner, I don't know what the cleaner does, but it ain't cleaning. She lives in what could be an amazing old farmhouse, which is falling apart.......seriously swirly 70's poo carpets everywhere, peeling wallpaper and woodchip....the kitchen doors are falling off too....not to mention the cheap crappy lino floor all peeling up....and kids toys, literally from when they were babies right up to now 9 years worth of crap...EVERYWHERE!! )...
So please leave me to it?
leave me to my mundane existence of looking after my family, and making everything pretty and homely.....cos I'll take it anyday of the year. I am the last person my kids see when dropped off at school, and the first person when they come out. Yeah money is tight, but you know.............you get by.
So..........there ( sticks tongue out ).........Now have you tried Alys Fowlers courgette cake recipe? You will find it in her Edible Garden book and I love it. It's not a pretty cake, but it's a satisfying one......the Q loves it and the bumblebee's too have gone to school with a slice in their lunchboxes ( it's Friday ).....
Yesterday was a guilt free day. These are rare indeed. I was tired, and had a sore tummy......so shock horror....I snuggled down with tea and cake and watched Water For Elephants........IN THE DAYTIME!!!!!!! What WOULD Jane say about that then????!!!!
Happy weekend xxx
enjoyed your 'rant' and I totally agree with you I am still a stay at home mum my youngest just stated secondary school and walk there herself so from 8- 2.45 I can please myself ,titivate the house or mess in the garden if I desire but by no means is keeping a house clean and tidy and raising a family an easy job and its never finished and there is always something that needs doing usually just as you get into bed and turn the light off .
ReplyDeleteBy the way alys fowler is my guru so I think I'll try that recipe I am sure I can find some courgettes under the weeds in the veg patch .
hope you enjoy the rest of your day
xx fee
Hurrah for you! I was a stay at home mum, although I work now, but only four days a week from 8.15 to 3.15 and I'd cut that down if I was brave enough to drop a few quid. I stayed at home with my girls until the youngest went into Reception then I was asked to be a midday assistant at their school. I loved it, but it's not easy. My girls are now 18 and 14 and I'm so glad I was took them to school, picked them up, and was generally there. I still am. of course, and they still infuriatingly expect me to do everything for them! I have to say that I know my expectations of cleanliness and tidyness and were higher when I was at home though!
ReplyDeleteYou flipping enjoy being at home with your babies, I did and wouldn't apologise to anyone for it.
xx
Good for you on your rant!
ReplyDeleteI think its so sad nowadays that the whole womens liberation movement has now boiled down to lots of unhappy mamma's feeling guilty. Either working or staying at home. And the worst of it is, is usually other women sniping at each other. It such a shame.
I am at stay at home mum, when both the girls were pre-school it was easy in the sense that I had small children to look after. Now both are at school I still need to look after them. There is such pressure on us all today to be perfect. To juggle so many balls in the air. I have felt so guilty about still being at home although I dont really know why. My other half is happy with it and no one has really ever said anything as such. But still the guilt is there. I would love to work from home making and selling my little creations. But I find it hard to factor in the time! Which I know some people dont understand when I have from at least 9-3pm home alone. But there are always things that need to be done. And things that i want to do for my family. Justifying spending a whole day playing with fabric makes me feel guilty. Although I did have a bit of meltdown the other day. And did spend some time doing some crafting!
Thanks for this post. I think most mums can relate to this.
MBB x
Good for you! Rant all the way - I'm with you!
ReplyDeleteI stayed at home from the "birth to able to walk home from school on their own years" wish I could continue, but circumstances beyond my control has made me go out to work. Nothing has got done for nigh on fifteen years and I hate living this way - so I wish I could do it all again.
Julie xxxxxxxx
I totally agree, im a single mother and some working mums think 'your just lazy watching jeremy kyle all day' ...which is far from the truth, i never have the tv on for starters, but not just that my situation was out of my hands when my partner had an affair when sophia was 4 months old, i could have stayed, i choose not too...yes ive been at home with my daughter- ive loved it, glad i did- truly rewarding.
ReplyDeletei shouldnt be made to feel guilty. im now trying to set up an online business for the future for myself and sophia- life hasnt been easy but i HATE woman that are quick to judge 'stay at home woman'...i'm not judging all working woman as most of my friends are working-but there are stigma's attached to being a domestic engineer ;0)x enjoy your time, guilt free x you've made a delightfully lovely home for your children and husband- be proud ;0)
HEAR HEAR! Big noisy raspberry at Jane.
ReplyDeleteI'm not directing this at all working mums but I would put money on the fact that a fair few of them probably pack their children off to school with a bag of crisps rather than a hunk of homemade courgette cake.
I spent yesterday morning on my hands and knees wiping skirting boards and radiators (and chiselling off unmentionable blobs). Sad but true.
Not long found your blog btw and love it!! :-)
Heather x
having been a mum on both sides of the camp i can quite honestly say its harder being a stay at home mum.
ReplyDeletewhen i was working i had two babies but knowing that i was dropping them off at nursery and was going to be spending the whole day to myself ( yes i was at work but i had a lunch hour a tea break ..a chance to laugh with other adults..to be me and not just mummy who wipes bottoms all day!) since being at home more i have found that by the end of the day i am shattered and i havnt got half the things done that i would have liked to have got done..my house was always a lot cleaner when i was out at work.. but i love being at home... i love knowing that i have the freedom to be at home and not have to rely on people to do the school run for me or make sure that if one of the boys is ill im worrying about getting a day off work im here and im here for my kids.. having said that it has been a real struggle at times me not working but for now im concentrating on the boys ...
so say boo to your friend whose kids would probably love just an ounce of her time and why does she have a cleaner thats just plain lazy!!
Don't you dare feel guilty, ever, for being there for your kids! We all make choices based on our individual circumstances and yes, not everyone can choose to stay at home, and not everyone wants to even if they have the choice. But we stay at homes usually choose to go without things that other folk convince themselves they need and so need to earn the money to buy. You can be cash poor but have a lot of fun on very little if you're time rich.
ReplyDeleteI have four kids, the youngest of whom will soon turn 21. I stayed at home with them right through until the eldest started university ... I never quite saw the point of having kids and then handing them over to someone else. I even home schooled two of them (both now have degrees, and the elder an MA, just in case anyone is worried about that part). If we needed extra cash I got jobs that meant I could work from home, or that didn't take me out of the house for long. There were times, usually when we couldn't afford something that their friend's parents could, when maybe they thought they were being short changed, but all of them now say that they had the best childhoods. I know I was blessed to be there for all of their growing and to grow alongside them.
More than anything kids need happy parents who are living lives they are comfortable with, lives that they know are right for them and their families. Only you can know what works for you, so do it your way and to hell with what anyone else thinks. Your kids will thank you for it and they're the ones who matter :D
This is the first post I have ever read on your blog - and I like you already - lol!
ReplyDeleteDeep breath!! Phew that really was a rant.....but well done!!
ReplyDeleteI have been a stay at home mum, but now that they are getting older (2nd one starting at secondary school next year) I am working and studying for a diploma in childcare - for my future when they are all grown up. I was working 4 days a week and catching up with shopping on the 5th day......but have found it all too much, so have now dropped down to 3 days, plus one day food shopping and one day housework and studying and then weekends with the family..............but what about making pretty things and painting furniture and walls!! No time for this anymore - so I agree with you - make the most of it!
-x-
Good for you for getting that off your chest! Being a parent is a hard job. It's just the best, but it's a tough one!
ReplyDeleteWhen we adopted each of our children I was lucky enough to stay off work until the started school and then I went back, school hours and term time, for two days a week. A balance that works for us.
Sod what others think or do, it's what's right for you that counts.
Lisa x
Thanks for visiting my blog- had to come and see yours!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post. I too am a full time mum and I too wouldn't swap it for the world.
I have had lots of comments from my friend's husbands, who can't quite fathom why I don't 'work'. Hmmmmmmmmm - they're happy enough to pay a childminder to raise their children, but it's not ok for me to want to do this myself.
One of my pet hates is the term 'stay-at-home-mum' because it sounds like I sit around on my arse doing bugger all, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Ooo, you've got me started now...!
Am off to get a glass of wine and calm down.
Xx
Just found your blog and had to comment. I am a housewife - there, I've said it! The amount of times people ask me what I do and I say I'm not working at the moment and am kind of made to feel guilty about it. I do feel guilty a lot of the time, especially when money is tight. But I am always there for my kids (school age), my husband gets a dinner cooked for him every day and the house stays fairly clean and tidy (most of the time). I also have decorated the house, ripped up carpets on my own, dealt with builders, carried out serious destruction of giant weeds in the garden. My husband works abroad fairly regularly too so I don't see it as a problem that I don't work as I need to be there for the kids when he is away. I do feel I have an extremely important job and as long as my husband and kids are happy, then I'm happy to clean up after them, provide a bit of comfort and love and do things I enjoy too, when I get the chance! Having said all of that, I have the utmost respect for working Mums, I'm just not sure I would have the energy to do all that they do. Lovely blog. xx
ReplyDelete